Sexual Brokenness

In this world of brokenness, it seems that a lot of the brokenness comes in the area of sexuality.  Have you experienced sexual abuse?  Are you haunted by past mistakes? Are you struggling  in the area of sexual intimacy in your marriage?  Is pornography tearing you and your spouse apart?

If you are like me, you didn't experience the trauma of sexual abuse but still brought sexual baggage from the past into the present.  Have you wondered where to go with questions that you would be ashamed to ask someone? Have you gone through a divorce?Are you feeling the guilt and shame of past choices you regret? Are you wondering how you pass healthy sexuality on to your children when you are not sure what it is? Does the whole area of sexuality make you uncomfortable?

If your answer is "Yes" to any of these questions, I would like to introduce you to some women I have gotten to know recently, Dr. Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow.  They both have seen the damage sexual sin has done to women in our culture.  They had a burden to bring truth and healing to broken women, so they created a ministry called Authentic Intimacy.  Authentic Intimacy is a ministry passionate about reclaiming God's design for intimacy & sexuality.  The ministry has a number of resources to educate, challenge and restore women who are hurting.

A good resource to start with is 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex and Intimacy.  This book by Dr. Juli Slattery tackles common and critical questions women have.  She actually took the most asked questions she gets at Authentic Intimacy and answered them with candor, wisdom and honesty.
Dr. Slattery addresses sexual abuse, pornography, betrayal in marriage, intimacy in the bedroom, singleness, and more, calling women to think biblically about all areas of their sexuality.  This book is for every woman, married or single, who wants answers to questions of which most churches don't speak openly.

I had the privilege of being selected for the launch team for 25 Questions. I am excited to promote any book that speaks truth into our broken world in the area of sexuality.  Right now I am helping launch the newest resource from Authentic Intimacy, Surprised by the Healer, Embracing Hope for your Broken Story by Dr. Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow.  I will be reviewing it in the coming days.  Until then, check out Authentic Intimacy's website.  You might be surprised at what you find there.

Jacob

It was a beautiful Easter!  The weather was mild and the sun was out.  I was feeling energetic as the discomfort of the first trimester of my third pregnancy was behind me.  After dealing with 12 weeks of unpleasant nausea, I was hopeful that the worst was over.  Decked out in my favorite periwinkle, full length maternity dress, I was able to enjoy the feast set before us at Bob's aunt's house.  Four-year-old Kayla was so cute in her little Easter dress and hair bow.  I just loved to dress her up whenever possible.  We still had to keep a close eye on little Robbie as he toddled around the house, but it was a wonderful celebration.  I remember coming home after a full day of celebration. I felt content and excited about the little one growing inside me.  I was now 16 weeks along.

Monday morning came with the dawn.  I woke up and started my morning routine, reviewing my to-do list in my head.  Hm, that's strange.  I noticed some spotting.  Was something wrong?  I've heard that can happen, so I wasn't terribly alarmed.  I called the doctor as a precaution.  She had me schedule an ultrasound for that afternoon.  Though I was nervous, I was also excited to have the uncertainty dispelled.  Everything was going to be okay.  Bob went with me to this appointment. He had been there for the previous ones. It seemed like any other ultrasound.  The technician didn't indicate any issues, but they usually don' t.  She told us before leaving the room that the doctor would come in to confirm the results.  We waited.

When the doctor came in, her sober face hinted at what she was about to say.  "I am so sorry, but no heartbeat was found."  The news took my breath away.  This can't be happening!  It was like having the rug pulled out from under me. In that brief moment all the hopes and dreams we had in this new member of our family vaporized with the words "no heartbeat".  A deep grief and emptiness replaced the shock.  We had lost our baby.

The doctor explained that in a short time, I could expect to experience some cramping and bleeding.  Then my body would give up the baby in miscarriage. In our trance of grief, we went home to wait.  The next morning, I began to feel uncomfortable.  As the cramping increased, I realized that these were birth pains of a soul we would never get to know on this side of heaven. With all this going on, I still had to care for 2 little ones who could not comprehend the loss we were experiencing.  About mid-morning, I was on the phone with Bob, updating him on my condition when all of a sudden I experienced what seemed to be my water breaking.  I vividly remember both Kayla and Robbie standing in the kitchen with me, horrified and crying as blood gushed onto the white linoleum.  I ran to the bathroom just in time to catch the baby in the palm of my hand as it slipped out.  Time stood still as I closely examined our little one.  I observed his over-sized head that reminded me of an alien, but was mesmerized by his form. Such detail in his little eyelids, hands and feet.  He was still and silent.  What could have caused his heart to stop beating?  I might never know.

The rest of the day seemed so surreal.  I was bleeding profusely.  A "D & C" was  scheduled, but needed to be expedited.  I found a little box to put the baby's body in to take with me to the hospital.  We called some friends from church who rushed over to care for Kayla and Robbie and bring meals while Bob and I headed to the hospital.  Though our grief was raw, we felt so loved and cared for by our church family.

Arriving at the hospital, the bleeding was constant. We were both alarmed at the loss of blood.  Bob insisted that I be taken back right away.  We requested an autopsy be performed on the baby. We wanted to know if a cause of death could be determined.  Also, we wanted to know the gender of our baby.  We didn't have the presence of mind at the time to inquire about burial practices for miscarried babies.  We took one last look at our baby and handed the box to the nurse, knowing we would not see him again. I donned my hospital gown and was assigned a bed..  Time seemed to drag on as I lay waiting, still bleeding.  I felt like I was fading away.  I don't think they realized how much blood I had lost, but finally I asked Bob to call someone over to check on me.  The nurse realized that I needed to be attended to quickly, so I was prepped for surgery.

As I went home to recover, the grief went from being a fresh, sharp pain to a stale, nagging empty feeling that brought tears at unexpected moments.  I was so grateful to have my two little ones to wrap my arms around. They brought me comfort.  Weeks later we received the results of the autopsy.  The cause of death was undetermined, but though I was 16 weeks along, the baby's growth had stopped at 12 weeks.  It was a boy.

We didn't do all the things that people do for their miscarried children like having a public service or officially naming him, Bob told me later that he had in mind to call our baby Jacob.  I like that name. Mother's Day came upon us.  Another wave of grief overtook us.  As we prepared for church, Bob handed me a little velvet box.  As I opened it, tears blurred my vision as I looked at a pendant necklace with an image of a mother holding a baby on it. Though it brought on more heartache in our sense of loss, the necklace was a memorial of the valuable little person God allowed us to fall in love with.  (Later we also found a picture that reminded us of our little Jacob. We hung it on the nursery wall.)

From that time on, we spoke freely to the children of their brother.  They referred to him as "Baby In Heaven".  We all look forward to meeting him when we reach heaven.  I have a necklace of baby charms with gemstones representing all of our children by their birthstones.  We've included Jacob's, placed between Robbie's and J.J.'s.  We lost him in April. His stone is a diamond.  J.J.'s middle name is Jacob in memory of his brother.  It is significant to him that he is carrying on his brother's name.

Nothing Can Separate Us!

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Rom. 8:28

Wow!  That is an amazing truth.  I was reflecting on that verse this morning while I was on my walk and it occurred to me...NOTHING can separate us from God's love in Christ Jesus!   Not ADHD, not depression, not mental illness nor anything else in all creation!  On the surface, that seems like a no brainer until I thought of the ways I have let things separate me from Christ's love.

Sometimes I have said to myself after saying an unkind word to one of my children,

"Shoot!  There I go again.  My ADD's to blame!"  

Other times I have tried to recall a verse in the moment, but it was out of reach in my muddled mind.  Then I mutter:

"I guess I can't memorize Scripture.  I can never seem to remember anything."  

Lies, lies...all lies!  My excuses were just rationalization for not doing something differently.

As I was thinking about the truth of Rom. 8:28, I remembered that it's not a great memory or being the model parent that keeps me close to Jesus.  It's His love.  In this fallen world, there are lots of things that don't work right.  But here's the thing.  God already knows that we're all broken in some way.  Whether it be neurologically, emotionally, physically or morally, that's why Jesus had to die for each of us.  The very things that tend to become barriers to my relationship with Christ should actually be the things that draw me closer to Him!  The reason I was thinking this was because I was pondering what keeps me from experiencing this amazing love.  It's making agreements with the enemy of our souls.  John and Stasi Eldridge talk about agreements in their book, Love & War.  It has really helped me recognize when I am living out of a lie instead of God's truth.  They say,
                   

"Now, what this father of lies does is put his "spin" on a situation.  It typically comes as a "thought" or a "feeling."  ...What Satan is hoping for is to secure from us an "agreement," a very subtle

but momentous shift in us, where we believe the spin, we go with the feeling, and we accept as reality the deception he is presenting.  (It always feels so true.) ...Once we buy in to the lie and make the agreement, we come under the spell and come under the influence of that interpretation of events.  Then it pretty much plays itself out; becoming self-fulfilling."

It's so easy to believe that many things can separate us from God's love.  The agreements may sound like this:

"I'm not good enough".  

"Why try.  I'll just fail."  

"I don't know how to hear God's voice."  

"Maybe He just doesn't speak to me."  

"My thoughts are so confused. I can't make sense of reading the Bible."

Do these sound familiar?  They sure do to me.  However, I am coming to actually appreciate the fallen-ness of being human.  Sometimes I still struggle and I get sucked into an agreement, but I am reminded that even a spiritual giant like the apostle Paul struggled with something that he wanted to get rid of and asked God to take away three times, but God said,

 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9

So, when I am tempted to make agreements, it's really an opportunity to trust God and lean into Him instead of believing those negative thoughts.  I am so glad God left us a love letter, the Bible.  I can trust what it says. And what it says is that nothing, no, nothing can separate us from God's love!

The You That Is Yet To Be

Imagine back before there was anything.  There was God.

He says to the you that is yet to be:

"I have a wonderful plan for you.  I will create an individual with  a unique personality and energy in the womb of your mother that will grow into the fullness of who I've created you to be.  You think that you are just a combination of genes given to you by your mother and father.  You are much more than that!  You were made in My image. Body,soul and spirit.  Eternal.  A longing to be known.  A complex conglomeration of natural talents, spiritual gifts, physical traits that can reflect Me.

Your heart will be made to know Me. You will long for Me.  Even with all the things that life on earth can offer, you will have a void inside that can only be filled by Me.  There will be a lot of evil, ugliness and pain in the world.  My creations will think they can do life without their Creator. Though I will set the first created ones  in a beautiful garden where they can walk with Me, they will choose to tarnish the perfect life that I set before them.  People will look inward or to other created things, creating idols that will fit their idea of the Divine.  They will strive to make life happy and fulfilling but they will find that what they put in My place will never satisfy them.

The world in it's fallen state will be a shadow of the beautiful world I am creating for you. Despite your brokenness,  I will woo you to Myself.  I will not force your obedience or demand that you acknowledge Me.  I want you to know Me for who I AM and choose to relate to Me as I designed you to.  I know that you will become dissatisfied with what the world offers you, that you will ask questions like 'Why am I here? What is my purpose?  Is there a God?'

When you are ready, you will seek Me and you will find Me.  I long for you to draw near to me.  I knew that you couldn't fulfill the requirements needed to relate to My Holiness, so I am sending my beloved Son to live among you and give his sinless life for you.  Not just for you but for all who desire to live in relationship with Me, their Creator. That is what life is all about!  I long to pour My love into your life.  You will want to give your love and life to me in return.  As you grow in your knowledge of Me, you will grow more and more into who I've created you to be.  I will place you in a particular time and place where you will reflect my Glory, doing the good works I have prepared in advance for you to do.  Your life will matter.  You will make the world a better place and be a display case for my Glory.  Your life will matter not only for the short time you are on the earth, but your life will matter for eternity.  I have a wonderful place waiting for you after your life on earth is over.  You will pass from perishable to imperishable and you will dwell with Me, in My very Presence forever!  That is why I made you!  The hardships and trials of your earthly life will seem unbearable at times and you will wonder why you must endure them.  But all that you encounter and endure in your life I will use to mold and shape you, preparing you for your eternity with Me.

All of this is yet to be, my child.  Right now, you are just a twinkle in My eye.  I can't wait to knit you together in your mother's womb.  All of the days of your life are already written in my book.  My thoughts of you are constant and countless.   I love you, dear one. Put your trust in Me and look for My Fingerprints on your life.  You are mine.

Fountains of Blessings

Here's another daily devotion from Oswalt Chambers from My Upmost to His highest that spoke to me.
I hope it encourages you as well.

http://utmost.org/fountains-of-blessings/

The Purpose of Prayer

I am not reading My Upmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers as the dates suggest.  The August 28 entry really spoke to me about the purpose of prayer.

http://utmost.org/the-purpose-of-prayer/

Wait on the Lord

Recently I was really battling negative thoughts and giving in to depression.  Old habits die hard.  After the holiday break of sporatic prayer time and being impatient and sharp tongued with the kids, I started my day yesterday just clearing the slate in a time of confession before the Lord.  He knows and is not surprised by my fallenness, so that was really an exercise for me to agree with Him with regard to sin and look to His word for reminders of who God is and what is true about His character and mine.  Afterwards, I continued to wallow in my discouragement hoping God would bring me out of that funk.  However, I kept my eyes on my failures instead of trusting God to answer my cry for help.  I remained in defeat.

I decided this morning to do a word study on "wait".  It started in Psalm 27: 13-14:

"I am confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord;  be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

I got to wondering how the word "wait" was being used.  I followed the cross-referenced verses and with the help of my concordance discovered that in each case the word "wait" meant to be expectant.

Psalm 130:5-6 states: "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning."

That is a beautiful word picture.  Watchmen stand guard through the night, but wait expectantly for the first hues of dawn to rise above the horizon, knowing that it is coming.  There is certainty there.  I love what Matthew Henry says about this passage as he explains the degree of expectant dependence on God:

"...we must hope for it because He has promised it, and not from any opinion of our own merit.  The degree of that dependence, more than those who watch for the morning who are (1.) Well assured that the morning will come; and so am I that God will return in mercy to me according to His promise; for God's covenant is more firm than the ordinances of day and night, for they shall come to an end, but that is everlasting.  (2.) very desirous that it would come.  Sentinels that keep guard upon the walls, those that watch with sick people and travellers that are abroad upon their journey, long before day wish to see the dawning of the day; but more earnestly does this good man, for the tokens of God's favour and the visits of His grace, and more readily would he be aware of his first appearances that they are of day."

When I was praying yesterday morning, I cried out to the Lord, but still focused on my failure rather than the surety of God's grace.  It wasn't until I spoke aloud, later in the day, the promises of God and reset my gaze on the truth of His word that the cloud lifted and God spoke encouragement and purpose to my heart.

I reflected this morning on the fact that God longs to extend unending mercies to His children.  He takes great delight in us coming broken before Him, recognizing that His mercies are new every morning and great is His faithfulness.  (Lamentations 3:22-23)

This ongoing work of redemption and sanctification that God does in our lives comes from His endless
supply of grace.  All it requires of us is that we wait expectantly.  Matthew Henry states:

"The riches of this redemption; it is plentious redemption, is an all-sufficient fulness of merit and grace in the Redeemer, enough for all, enough for each, enough for me, says the believer."

Enough for me!

Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable His judgements, and His paths beyond tracing out! (Romans 11:33)  Though that is true, God has already given us all that we need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1: 3-5)  He allows us to be partakers of His divine nature!  He has given us His word and His Holy Spirit!  Amazing!  

As we depend wholly on God's unlimited resources, it is like drawing water from a well that never runs dry. We have the further promise that when we cry out to God, His eyes are on us and His ears are attentive to our cry. (Psalm 34:15)  I love the emphasis on the senses; sight and sound.  I can imagine my Heavenly Father's eyes looking lovingly at me and His ears attentively listening to my voice.

As I look to God and yield my life to Him, He then has the opportunity to show His glory through me.  

"Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." (Psalm 40:3b)

It's not about me!  It's all about Him!

His story!

His glory!

His love!

Thank you God that You hear my cries.  Thank you that I can wait expectantly for You to respond when I am in the pit!  Thank you for your overwhelming forgiveness and limitless mercy and grace.  Thank you for showing Yourself faithful in ways that I can see and understand.  Thank you that the more You reveal of Yourself in my life, my faith is strengthened.  Oh, me of little faith!  Thank you for lifting me out of the pit and setting my feet on the sure foundation of Your word.  May I wait on You as the watchman waits for the dawn, expecting You to lavish Your mercies on me in all faithfulness.  For Your glory!  Amen. 

A Reflection on Autumn

I wrote this post in October at the height of the autumn colors.  Today we walked out to wait for the bus and found about an inch of ice in the Fisher Price shopping cart! 

What a beautiful autumn day!  I decided to take my walk despite the gentle rain.  I am so glad I did!  I usually see rainy days as “ugly”.  Today, however, I was able to see beauty in the flight of the Canadian geese in the overcast sky and the trees proudly displaying their unique, variegated hues. As I walked, I was struck by the variety that God displays in His creation.  Looking down on the wet asphalt, I noticed leaf after leaf painted uniquely with splashes of bright color.  I decided to collect some to share with the kids. 

God has a way of ordering creation with a structure that we can count on.  Each of the four seasons comes and goes predictably each year.  The sun illuminates the earth, moving westward across the sky until it slips below the horizon now allowing the moon and stars to display their brilliance.  We rely on this consistency, day after day, night after night. 

Sometimes sameness stirs a restless longing in me that demands something different.  That is why the variety of shapes and colors of the leaves caught my eye this morning.  Though the four seasons come and go, each one is so different from the next.  Some summers are hot and sultry. Some are stormy, cool and wet.  Some autumn days are warmed by the golden sunlight and others are doused by a cold, relentless rain.   I thanked God for the blessing of noticing all the subtle differences between the falling leaves.   Sometimes it’s the simple things that draw me closer to the Creator and Lover of my soul. 

I'm Not Letting Go!

The terrible situation in Iraq is troubling me, as it should.  But after reading my daughter’s blog post about it, and seeing the pictures of pain, suffering and death, my heart was overwhelmed with grief.  

How terrible!  

How frightening!  

What if that happened here?  It’s not out of the realm of possibility for our country to become hostile toward Christ followers or let groups like ISIS wreak havoc on the Christian community sometime in the future.  Maybe in the near future!  What if I was faced with the possibility of having to give up my life for Christ, to renounce my Christian faith or face execution?  The thought created a lump in my throat.  Would I be strong enough to stand strong even unto death?!  Sometime I think I could when I think of the blessed life I have lived and that I am ready to start my eternity in the presence of my Savior.  I certainly would give my life to save my children.  But to see my children tortured, raped and murdered before my eyes?  That is unthinkable!  That is beyond painful.  

May it never be!!!

This line of thinking led to me to realize that I don’t have that desire.  I would be gripped by fear.  So as I walked I asked God to give me the desire to live full out for Him even if it meant giving up my life.  That got my mind to wondering what gives people the desire to give up their lives?  They have to be passionately overwhelmed by something bigger than themselves.  If I am a good Christian, doing all the right things, but not really intersecting with God Himself, would I give up my life for Him?  I had to admit that, no, I wouldn’t.  The only thing that would allow me to be willing to sacrifice it all would be if I knew I was completely loved.  Not just an intellectual knowledge, like, Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.  I would have to experience that overwhelming love; mind, heart and soul.  Do I?  I have to admit, that, no, I don’t.  But I do feel like in the past couple of years, God has revealed Himself to me in life transforming ways.  I am more familiar with His amazing love than I ever was before. 

How?  

How can I get more of that?  

By pursuing God with every ounce of my being.  The picture of Jacob wrestling with God, saying, 

“I’m not letting go unless You bless me.” 

came to mind.  That’s it!  God says if we need anything, ask.  So I grabbed hold of God in my imagination and said, “I want to know your love, God, I want to be overwhelmed by your love.  I am not letting go until You bless me.  I want to experience the power of being totally loved by You.  I’m not letting go until You bless me.”

Maybe that’s what is meant by Isaiah and the Sons of Korah when they say:

“My soul yearns for You in the night, in the morning my spirit longs for You” 

Isaiah 26:9b

“As a deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O Lord.”  

Psalm 42:1

I know I have desired God like this sometimes during the many years of walking with Him, but not consistently.  It’s always 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.   The new piece for me is realizing that the desire to desire God comes from God.  I can’t conjure it up on my own.  He wants me to want to desire Him.  He wants me to ask Him for that desire to desire Him.  He wants to lavish His love on me.  

So, knowing that, I grab hold of Him and say, 

“I am not letting go until You bless me.”   

I used to think that was arrogant and that I didn’t have a right to demand anything from God.  He would give me what He would give me and I should be grateful for any morsel of kindness from Him.  But I think differently now.  I am His child.  I believe what He says in His word is true!  I want it!  He’s the only one who can give it to me, so I grab hold and I’m not letting go.  I know that when I do let go, my desire to desire God wanes and I become occupied with the worries and pleasures of this life.  I never want to let go again.  

Bless me, 

bless me, 

bless me, Lord!  

You say you love me with an everlasting love.  Show me, open my heart to experience it.  Pour it over my life.  You say You give us every spiritual blessing in Christ.  I want them all!  Open my eyes to see every single one of them.  I don’t want to miss even one.  

Give them to me, Lord.  

Give me more of You!  

I’m holding on tight!

The Fear of the Lord

Proverbs 9:10

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, 

and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

As I was walking today, I started meditating on this verse.  God brought a couple of things to mind.  First of all, I considered the fear of the Lord.  What does that mean?  Does it mean fear in the sense of being afraid?  Like Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Lion and Tin Man felt in the presence of the Great and Powerful Oz?

  I don’t think so.

Even if they had a sense of awe, it was motivated by the fear of what he might do to them.  The fear of the Lord, I think, is recognizing the Lord’s rule over all creation, His control in our lives, His wrath and holiness, but also His Preeminence, His Transcendence, His Agape Love, His ability to redeem us through sacrificing His own Son.  His heart is as big as His power.  And when we begin to grasp that, (which is really difficult to do, don’t you think?) (It’s too big for my finite mind to comprehend!) then we can see ourselves in light of who He is, under His sovereign rule, at His mercy, desperately needing His grace.

As I write these words, I realize these are words that I have heard preached again and again.  The difference is that I am, personally, meditating on this.  The Holy Spirit is applying this to my life!  It’s not just more information, it’s pondering how it affects me and my view of God.

Then I thought about the next phrase, the beginning of wisdom.  It doesn't just say wisdom, it’s the beginning.  Our view of God is the very foundation of how we apply knowledge to our lives.  Without this foundation, we think too much of ourselves or too little of ourselves and make decisions that are self centered, lacking in wisdom.  The fear of the Lord must be our grounding, the bedrock on which we build our lives.  When we are reading His word, praying to Him, ministering for Him, we must always come back to the fear of the Lord.  It requires seeking Him and asking Him to reveal Himself to us.

The knowledge of the Holy One.  

Knowing the Holy One.  

The Holy One. 

  What makes God Holy?  What is Holy?  He is set apart from us, outside of creation, outside of time.  He is pure, altogether righteous, Holy.  He doesn’t make mistakes.   He doesn’t say anything that can’t stand for eternity.   He is never changing.  This is who our God is.  The knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.  We have to know our God in order to understand the truth about life, ourselves, others, circumstances; 

good and evil.

So that brings me back to the whole verse.  Our starting point must be fearing and knowing God for who He is, revealed in His word, being taught by His Holy Spirit.  We don’t start by having a religious system to follow such as reading the Bible, praying every day, going to church on Sunday, giving up things of the world.  If we are doing those things just for the sake of doing those things, we can only be motivated by pride and self righteousness.  No!  We must be motivated by our personal, active, growing relationship to the King of Kings and Savior of our souls. 

This challenges me and encourages me.  It challenges me by reminding me that I must never stray from pursuing God, walking with Him, inviting Him into every part of my life.  It encourages me because as I am pursuing God, He is imparting wisdom and understanding to me.  That’s a comfort because I am always second guessing myself, worrying that I am way out there in my thinking.  But when God teaches me something from His word, I can rely on His wisdom.

The last thing I considered as I rounded the corner close to home was when I am fearing the Lord and gaining knowledge of the Holy One, my desire to know Him increases and the more He reveals Himself to me.  Then, those disciplines of reading the Bible and praying, etc. are not just checking something off a list that makes me acceptable to God, but they are a means to run after the Giver of life, taking in His love continuously… and that transforms my life!